Couples Counselling Perth

Our Couples Therapy and Relationships Counselling service is available to couples and individuals who find themselves undergoing difficulties and conflict in their relationship.  Our Couples Therapy can help improve the quality of your existing relationship, and also assist with situations which may place stress on a relationship such as the arrival of new children, dealing with difficulties related to in-laws, step, blended or cross cultural families or other family members.

When we are in relationship with another, our own unresolved fears, hurts and distortions are activated.  We then relate to the other from a defended place and this eventually crushes the life force out of the relationship.  The good news is that relationships can also be the place where we are in contact with the best part of ourselves such as our love, our creativity, our passion, and our sexuality.

A loving relationship requires that both people mutually care about each other and in order to do this they must be able to communicate effectively.  While each relationship is different many of the challenges and relationship patterns are similar.  Too often in relationships the initial balance of eros, love and sexuality is lost resulting in lack of passion, boring or no sex, bickering, distancing, bland companionship or separation. Often the qualities of our partner that we found such a turn on in the beginning become annoying and frustrating.  Other times, a relationship can look good on the outside, but on the inside has silent hostility or secret affairs.

Benefits of Couples Counselling

We teach couples specific steps towards manifesting and then sustaining intimacy and love in adult relationships, so that there is true equality, vulnerability, deeper intimacy and mutual growth.  Some benefits of our Couples Therapy and Relationship Counselling include the following:

• Develop stronger effective communication with each other and deepen the connection
• Learns tools and ways of reducing conflict and expressing anger in a healthy way
• Increase individual confidence and strength so that it is safe to express and be authentic
• Identify and build on existing strengths in the relationship
• Develop nurturing and fulfilling relationships and receive one another more genuinely

Difference Between Romantic Love and Mature Love

When two people meet and fall “in love” there is what is commonly referred to as the “honeymoon period”.   This early stage of love can last varying amount of times, at maximum it can last 2 years.  This is the early stage of love which couples experience when dating and as newlyweds.  This stage is a good foundation for love as husband and wife share a genuine intimacy and often share openly their deepest secrets with each other.

Love goes through many stages and these are especially apparent in a marriage.  People marry and make a commitment to each other because they are in love, but this love is often little more than romantic attraction.  If the couple really love each other, each will want the best for the partner rather than just wanting the other person for themself.  Each person is allowed to develop their individual strengths, have respect for each other and have a strong commitment towards keeping the relationship strong and secure.

Mature love partners have learned not to expect perfection in each other, they love each other unconditionally, and know that acceptance has its own reward.  Mature love partners permit each other the freedom to pursue their individual interests and friends without restriction. This is when trust presents itself.  Mature love allows this level of separateness to bring lovers closer together and also encourages love partners to celebrate their own uniqueness.

Each lover’s differences test the other’s capacity for acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness and compassion. When necessary, they discuss their imperfections in a lovingly non- judgmental fashion.

How Our Couple Therapy Works

In a couples session, we explore where the blocks to love, eros and sexuality are held in the relationship and where they are held in within the personality, body and energy of each couple.  This enables the couple to grow together and create an inspiring relationship that has meaning, love, commitment, passion and growth.  A couples session enables clear communication as there is a safe space, facilitated by the therapist.  The couple can effectively explore and express current challenges that exist in the relationship and they may discover that some of the issues in the relationship are carried forward or projected from their individual past histories.

Sometimes the most effective way to change the dynamics that are causing tension in our relationship is to first understand the ways our own family histories have shaped our assumptions about relationships, and our own relationship habits.   Our Individual Therapy can provide clarity in exploring each individual’s family dynamics and reveal how patterns and tendencies of our past show up in our present relationship.

Defensive reactions

such as blaming and withholding are generally the most common relationship responses to conflicts, and prevent the couple from entering into and/or experiencing happiness, passion, deep love, healing, bonding and equality.  The dance of anger, resentment and blame are the most common self defeating patterns used by couples in all cultures.

Each person’s defensive reactions in the relationship may be caused by protecting themselves from painful emotions, which are triggered by their partner.  Partners end up reacting towards the other partner’s defences and not see what is really behind their reaction, which often underlies hurt and vulnerably, that is often not seen or understood.   When couples overcome their defensive reactions, they get to the real self and underlying feelings, which were hidden.  They can begin to understand each other and feel safe to raise all kind of issues.  If each partner overlooks their own issues and focuses on their partners, they avoid changing their own part.

During Couple Therapy, by appropriately expressing hurt feelings, rather than reacting, couples feel more cohesive in themselves and feel secure in the relationship.  When couples get to the underlying feelings behind their reactions, they understand where each partner’s behaviour came from.  So they each feel more contained and less reactive towards each other, and take responsibility for any negative feelings within themselves which may be overwhelming.

Our Private Therapy page outlines the steps involved in a typical therapy session and explains certain terms and conditions.  Please see our Psychotherapists page if you would like to make an enquiry or book in for a couples session.